Friday, December 30, 2005
Your apologies, they seem so empty. Your words, they cut so deep. And yet here I am, feeling like a dog, begging for more. Time and time again I ask myself why I put myself through this. And I have yet to find the answer.
And now I feel so alone. So lost. You were supposed to be always by my side but Where are you?
diagnosed of lucid psychosis
12:00 AM
Sunday, December 18, 2005
I don't know why I say stuff I regret saying later on. Stuff I cannot take back. Just when my world was falling back into place I tore it apart again. The tears, they refuse to stop. They just keep coming. So much so that I wish someone would pull my heart out of me. Then I'll stop feeling all this pain.
It was nothing. I swear. And yet somehow I sense you think I am lying.
I'm tired. I'm unhappy. And I just want to drop dead. Really, if you could just run a car over my body you would be doing me a huge favour. But why would you want me to feel indebted to you?
I thought I found happiness and joy, but it really ws just pain and sorrow. So well masked this time that I accepted it gladly. And, yet, something tells me that i brought this upon myself.
You smile and say it's alright and that nothing is wrong. But I know deep down inside you are hurting. And all I can say is that I am truly sorry. I don't know if things can ever go back to that happy, blissful stage but I pray and hope it will.
diagnosed of lucid psychosis
1:52 PM
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